The Lost One

            Don’t wait to lose. Just know how to be grateful. People always get something or learn something as they grow up, but they may also lose something they had. Some things will disappear for good, which may make a person be stronger or more grateful, especially when people arrive in another country, like me. When I came to the US, my first thought was how amazing it would be, and I would walk on the broad road of the US. I dreamed I could have Starbucks coffee every day that I never had in China, and I could go to the university with American classmates. I would also enjoy the beautiful weather and culture. Of course, my parents and my friends would be really pound of me, and they would think I have a better life. However, the truth is not always as it seems. There are several thing I have lost since coming to the US.

            First, I lost my communication skills when I wanted to talk to people. In China, I could dare to go anywhere I wanted because I speak Chinese, and I understood all the signs. If I wanted to go the zoo or museum, I could take the bus or subway to get there even if I had never been there before, or I could ask the passengers or the strangers as well. I had nothing to be afraid of, whereas, in Chicago I couldn’t go out by myself in the first year. When I wanted to ask something to the strangers outside, I was so afraid. I was afraid my speaking and listening skills were not very good. As a result, I would stay home all day instead of going out to explore the city.

            Without going out too much, I became a little introverted. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. There was also something missing between my family and me. After I came to the US, I felt much more vacuous, and I always felt lonely. I couldn’t see my family every day when I got home. I couldn't see them around, and I couldn’t spend time with them. I thought there was something wrong about this apartment. I used FaceTime with them only twice a week. Because of the time difference, or the work conflict, we only talked about ten minutes. Sometimes they would ask me some silly question, like “How is your sleep? Do you eat on time? Don’t get cold. Eat some more fruits” Those questions showed they care about me. And they wanted to make sure I am fine, but sometimes those questions drove me crazy and were annoying. Because they didn’t know about the culture difference between these two countries. There has always been a layer of the generation gap between my family and me since I lived in the US.

            Last, I have lived in the US for five years, so people may think I would have some friends because Americans are friendly and nice to each other, but I haven’t make any friends like my old friends in China. I couldn’t get their phone numbers. If I got someone’s, and I wanted to call him and talk to him, some didn’t have too much time. People get to know each easily here, but these friends are just “friends”. We only know our names and faces. This is not the same thing between my friends and me back home. We usually hung out all the time, and called each other brothers, we would even call each other’s parents mom or dad. We were like a family, and we relayed on each other. If someone had a problem, we would deal with it together, and we would help each other all the time.

            On the way to growing process, I lost my naivety to be a man. I lost my passion to be a man. I lost my simpleness to be a man. When we have something in our lives, we need to be grateful, and we need to take care it very well. Right now I feel a little regretful when I have my family around and my friends around because I didn’t cherish them, maybe which would make me to grow up.